Asking Questions

When we are children, we ask many questions, all the time, about everything. We excitedly inhale adventure, learning, discovery, and love, without feeling or receiving judgment. When growing older, many abandon this openness to learn and explore. Not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in the name of growth. We are not ok with not knowing everything. But asking questions is the first step to a collaborative effort in discovering the truth in a much more creative, efficient, and connected way.

Asking questions is the most important factor in our learning process. Oftentimes, we think we have all of the answers, repeating known processes and solutions. Repeating a known solution gives us no opportunity to ask questions, think, or learn. We need to realize that we only know what we know and recognize the manner in which we view, investigate, interpret, substantiate, and process knowledge and how that affects our ability to learn. When we take these steps to improve our learning process, remove the fear of judgment and hesitancy of asking questions, take time to listen, pause, and review, revelations occur. It will open opportunities for us to become the ultimate dynamic learner, giving us the tools to build authentic relationships, develop confidence through the building of our knowledge, create wisdom, improve life and work processes, and accept that life is a journey of learning through successes and failures. This process focus will help us work mindfully through trials, errors, successes, and failures and then give us the mindset to ask the questions that help us grow.

I spent most of my young life growing up in Reno, Nevada. At the time, there was not much diversity in The Smallest Little City of 100,000 people or so. I did not have a lot of exposure to the world outside of being born in Vietnam and living very briefly in Saudi Arabia. After graduating high school, I joined the Air Force and was stationed in Oahu, Hawaii. The people I befriended in the Air Force and on the island of Oahu opened my eyes to how little I knew about diverse ethnicities. My curiosity and desire to learn about people, cultures, and life, in general, grew with each new introduction to ethnically and age-diverse people. I found the optimal way to learn was by asking meaningful questions. The people I met were just as curious and excited about learning about me. The interchange of questions and answers created a safe place to learn without judgment about our different cultures, experiences, and perspectives.

As my enlistment period came close to an end, I decided to pursue graphic design in the Graphic Design Program at San Jose University. I enjoyed my studies, which consisted of art and design mostly, and flourished in them. I was 23 years old. I befriended people with wisdom beyond their years. I was attracted to very confident and positive people. Farine was the epidemy of confidence and wisdom. I met her in a class. She was a few years older than me and was at the height of her sales career. She was eloquent, intelligent, confident, graceful, and beautiful. Farine taught me a lot about friendship and how to develop an authentic one. She asked a great deal of difficult and direct questions. She stood strong in her beliefs but held them lightly. She wanted me to make certain that I thoroughly understood the intricacies of what I claimed to believe in before I stood fast by them. She was receptive to discovery and sought differing opinions and perspectives.

My personal growth and interpersonal communication skills matured as I learned from her. Our friendship blossomed and slowly evolved into an open, honest, and respectful one. This type of relationship development required a good deal of deep-diving into the goings-on of a person’s mind, emotions, perceptions, and understanding of situations. I believe in this approach but find that numerous people are unwilling and uncomfortable with it. I believe this is the only way to earn trust and respect from people and develop stronger and lifelong friendships. Authentic relationships provide a safe place to practice a falsification mindset and approach situations and knowledge with critical evaluation and experimentation without fear of judgment or rejection. I have observed and befriended diverse people and through a falsification mindset have disproved many attitudes and misunderstandings that I had adopted over time.

The auspicious interactions as well as the unfortunate ones provided me with great lessons learned. With an open, honest, and respectful approach to communication, come moments when uncomfortable questions are called for. In an uncomfortable situation, I find the only way to know exactly where one stands in reference to another, is to ask questions. Even reluctant participants come clean with how they feel and the ending result is a revelation that can then be explored. This type of communication provides the opportunity to reconcile differences and restore harmony providing new opportunities for learning. I have been fortunate to have developed close friendships with a handful of people who are broad and critical thinkers. We come from different backgrounds, cultures, religions, and beliefs. There is room for strife and disagreement with so much uncommon ground, but because we come from a beginner’s mind and a place of trust, we are able to patiently find common ground. Our friendships help me to be aware of how I view, investigate, interpret, substantiate, and process information and even discover my own implicit biases. I am able to ask questions without fear of judgment thus giving me opportunities to learn. My friends and I are able to share our strong opinions with each other because we held them loosely – we agree to disagree and possess an understanding of each other’s perspectives through asking and answering questions.

These relationships were also supported by active listening. The wondrous thing about active listening is that the people you are listening to feel appreciated and respected thus increasing the bond being established. I have been told that I am a good listener because my attention never wanes and that I keep eye contact. I am honored when people confide in me. It is a sign of trust. Whenever I needed further explanation or reiteration, I asked. I also am fortunate to have what I call “soul sisters”. These friends are wise, kind, mindful, and nonjudgmental but provide tough love when needed. They provide brutal honesty but deliver it with kindness. These types of friendships are priceless to me.

This style of communication may lead way to topics that may not generate pacification or align with another’s opinion. But I know without a doubt, that asking questions and providing active listening builds relationships where people, whether it is in a personal or professional arena, can come together from a place of understanding and knowing one another’s differences and intentions, and perspectives and find new and creative solutions with kindness, love, and void of judgment.

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And remember, express yourself in any way that brings you joy and relief and share it with the world. You don’t owe it to anyone but yourself. Stay happy, healthy, safe, and happy graphics, my friend.

Graphic Design (verb): the ultimate trust enhancers, content simplifiers and organizers, efficient and effective information communicators, emotion evokers, and cognition captivators.